Before I left though, she wrote me a book. That in itself is really special, cuz Kelly is severely dyslexic and spent weeks working on the thing. Despite all of the frustration that it caused her, it has been an absolute joy to me. Every time I'm feeling a little homesick, I whip out "The Glory of Me" and laugh, out loud, for extended periods of time... until my roommates come in and discover that there is no one else in my room with me. Meh. That I'm nuts is their problem, not mine.
Anyway, here are a couple of my favorite excerpts (at least the ones that can be spread across the internet...). The spelling has been slightly modified, and names have been changed to protect the innocent.
WARNING: Politically incorrect and not at all serious.
THE GLORY OF ME! By Kelly and Roxy (but mostly Kelly because Roxy was too busy eating lard)
SARA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know when you are gone you will miss me and Roxy most so we decided to write you this book (HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME!!!!!!!!!)
Sara you have to promise me two things:
1. You won't get stressed near fires or stoves.... accidents can happen!
2. Please don't eat any more babies, the dingoes' reputation is already bad enough.
[here she included a bagged sample of hers and Roxy's hair... seriously]
WHEN YOU LEAVE!
People in airports are..... well, very sneaky. So I have some tips for you.
KELLY'S AIRPORT TIPS
1. Just in case your bags go missing you should wear five pairs of underwear over your clothes, clean or dirty (in your case)
2. Airports can be very crowded so you should eat lots of beans and get stressed!
[Here she glued her Whistler ski pass, which I had to rip out and mail to her, because it didn't occur to her that she might need it to get on the mountain when they went up this summer]
WHY YOU WILL MISS ME
1. I turn you on.
2. I am the funniest person you know (CURSE YOU JOHN!! Only one of us can be the funniest and we all know who will win. It will not be the one with the monkey fist in their mouth!)
3. Who will you call when you need to clear a room?
4. Who will you make fun of other people with?
5. You will pressure you into buying coffee?
DOG
asd;lfkjasdf;lkjasd;flkjasdlkmc;laisjer;lwkej;lk;lkajsdf;lakjsdf;lkajsdf;lkasjdf;a;
asdf;lijasdf;lkj
asdf;lkjasd;lfkj;alskdjf;l
asdf;lkjasd;flkjas;dlfkjjffjrururururunvnvjds;lfkjfjjfjdkfls;lkdfja;
Mama!!!!!!!!!!!
[here she took Roxy's paw, dipped it in a silver ink pad, and autographed the page, before Roxy got pissed off and ran around stamping the floor with her dazzling little foot]
THE GREAT BATTLE
Once upon a time there was an evil hobo [our neighbor. Kelly is convinced he is really a hobo... don't ask]. This hobo was very dangerous; he was a stabby hobo, and even worse he was BREEDING!
Across the street there were two magical sisters. These sisters were very afraid of the stabby hobo once he tried to break into their house. The sisters decided they had to protect themselves so they declared ware. The younger sister did some research and found out that stabby hobos have one weakness....... clean water, since stabby hobos are sometimes squeegee boys too, and they are working in dirty water all day so they can't stand it when it is clean! The sisters decided to pour clean water on him!
That day they were going to sneak into his house/box to get him when out of nowhere he appeared from the shadows wearing a skirt!
No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He is invisible with his skirt on. Suddenly the hobo started to chase them! Quickly they decided to take the secret Costco tunnel that Dad had. They were safe for now... two days later they finally caught the hobo off his guard and he was vanquished!!!!!!!
But what about his evil spawn?????
Oh man... I needed that.
Ah yes, I'm back from the Northern Territory. Pictures to follow. Pictures in abundance. Heaps of pictures.
posted by Sara @ 12:58 PM
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